London Calling

Hello friends.

I'm back from my blogging vacation. I was in London and Edinburgh for a few days with my husband and baby.

I have to say, London just felt right.

I think I'm meant to live there at some point in my life.

I'm a huge fan of any city that serves waffles and Nutella at their hot dog stands.

I got to ride on a real train for the first time in my life, and I want to know why we aren't using more trains here in Canada and the U.S. What a remarkably more relaxing experience than flying!

I was trying to count the number of planes I've been on in the past eighteen months, and I think I counted up to 31. I realize how lucky I am to be able to travel that much, and I'm very grateful. Still, the idea of flying lately does make me grit my teeth.

I wanted to share a few books I read while on vacation.

I enjoyed reading Eleanor Herman's well-researched, fascinating books Sex with Kings: 500 Years of Adultery, Power, Rivalry, and Revenge and Sex with the Queen: 900 Years of Vile Kings, Virile Lovers, and Passionate Politics. 

These were great books to read when you are immersed in a historic city where many of the people discussed in the books lived and loved. These books were scholarly and juicy. They give you the same thrill you get from reading the gossipy headlines in the supermarket check out aisle, with none of the guilt because it is after all, history. My overall take away from these books are that until about twenty years ago, being a woman really sucked. 

I also enjoyed reading Parenting Without Borders: Surprising Lessons Parents Around the World by Christine Gross-Loh. I love books that help me see biases I didn't realize I had, and push me beyond them. Naturally, with my education background, I enjoyed reading the section about how Asian education systems and Finnish education systems compare to American education systems. 

This book opened my eyes to the importance of getting kids outside as much as possible. In Japan, teachers and parents do not interfere in a squabble or fight between other children unless things become imminently dangerous. Believe it or not this is to help children develop self-control. This is a hard one for me because I spent SOO much time in Houston helping kids work out differences in an attempt to minimize bullying in elementary schools. In Japan, kids are allowed and encouraged to play fight at their preschool, which was another crazy idea to me, because I worked at a school where bringing a toy with a play gun or knife was grounds for suspension. 

Gross-Loh writes that researches believe gun play "helps children read each other's facial cues and body language, figure out their place in a group, and modulate themselves accordingly." 

She says, "pretend play gives children a chance to try on different characters and experience the world from different points of view. We saw bigger kids hold themselves back from using their full strength, to equalize the playing field between themselves and a younger classmate. We saw younger kids model their behavior after older ones and act more maturely so they could all play together enjoyably."

Again, this is hard for me, because I have seen so many kids abuse each other and take advantage of each other unfairly, but I will make an effort in the future to pause a bit before rushing to the rescue, so the kids have a chance to resolve issues on their own and feel the pride that comes from problem solving on their own.

This is not to say parents shouldn't step in when it comes to teaching manners and other social niceties. The author talks about how as Japanese kids get older, they are reminded that constant awareness of others helps you live in balance with people. Kids have a weekly character class where every week children discussed and reflected on compassionate ways of dealing with moral dilemmas.

"Without enough practice, kids feel unclear about what to say or do in particular settings or situations. But in cultures with more scripted rituals and clearer expectations, there is less confusion and anxiety about expressing yourself socially. Set phrases aren't confining. They're freeing. They let children know what to say and do that will mutually understandable in situations, in the way that an actor who has practiced his lines to automaticity can then concentrate on letting his genuine self emerge." 

The book also confirming many of the choices I've been making for my daughter. For example, I feel gratified that pushing Ellie to play by herself will actually help her in the future more than me sitting with her all day and narrating everything she does, (which is something another popular parenting book suggests is vital to helping babies and toddlers with language development). I also feel better about letting her take more physical risks such as climbing steps without holding my hand. I agree with the Norwegians about "the blessings of a skinned knee."

Her quote from psychologist Ellen Hansen Sandseter, really resonated with me.

"Allowing children to handle risks on their own with their own bodies, their own mindss, and through their own assessment and courage is the most important safety protection you can give a child."

What are you reading lately? I'm trying not to buy anymore books until I've caught up reading all the other unread books on my I-Pad. I'm really wanting to read J.K. Rowling's The Cuckoo's Calling, though.