Newfoundlanders and the Apocalypse

Published in The Packet.

I’ve made it to adulthood without learning to do some very basic things.

These gaps in my adult skill set have come into focus since moving to Clarenville. I usually notice them when I’m looking for a service, only to discover that no one really uses that service here because everyone in this community is so self-sufficient.

For example, I realized that I don’t actually know how to iron a man’s shirt or remove tough stains. Where I used to live, I was able to drop off our wrinkled clothing at the dry cleaners before work, and pick up our immaculate, starched and pressed wardrobe on my way home. It was lovely.

But if you already know how to iron and get ketchup out of your sleeve, why on earth would you pay someone to do it for you? I assume this question is why I haven’t found a dry cleaning service here in Clarenville.

I have a Bachelors of Science, a Bachelor of Arts, and a Masters degree, but I couldn’t tell you how to use a compass, make a pot of coffee, catch a fish, shoot a gun, garden, use a hammer, or change a flat tire. 

If something apocalyptic happened, I’m not sure I would be able to do anything useful enough to ensure my survival. My strengths lie in crafting a good thesis sentence, giving a mean Powerpoint presentation, and folding origami cranes out of paper. Unless the new world order uses origami cranes as its currency, I really have nothing to offer the post-apocalyptic society.

I don’t think my Newfoundland neighbours will have this problem. Just a glance out my window and I see the homes of people with all kinds of adult survival skills. These are people who can fish, hunt, build their own garages, keep plant life alive, and take care of their own stains- not that I imagine stain removal being a big priority in the post-apocalyptic world, but you get the idea.

I’m sure I’m not the only one watching too much Walking Dead and thinking this way. The do-it-yourself movement seems to continue to grow stronger among my generation, with people flocking to sites like Pinterest to help them figure out how to do the basic things we’ve become too comfortable outsourcing to others.

If you find yourself in the same situation, I invite you to read my new blog jaymelearnstodothings.blogspot.ca.

I’ve been slowly learning to do all kinds of basic things and writing about the experience. Last week, I learned how to fold a fittedsheet so it is not all bunchy. Egad! That was hard!

Although, if the world ends, I’d probably be better served learning to tear my fitted sheets into bandages.

Perhaps, wound care should be next week’s blog topic.